Pipe Dreams
by Kansas J. Miller
Summary: "He's got MS, CJ." (CJ/T friendship)


TITLE: Pipe Dreams  
  
GENRE: CJ/Toby friendship, angst  
  
AUTHOR: Kansas J. Miller  
  
RATING: PG  
  
SUMMARY: "He's got MS, CJ."  
  
SPOILERS: Nothing specific.  
  
~*~  
  
Toby Ziegler lingered in the doorway, silent for a moment, watching CJ Cregg standing amongst packed boxes. Her hands were on her hips, her waist looking smaller than usual. Her jacket hung almost limply off of her shoulders, tired and defeated. A small breath of air left her lungs and she rolled her neck uncomfortably, worry and sadness draped around the nearly- empty office.  
  
He cleared his throat. "You ready to go?"  
  
CJ turned around sharply, and her expression crumpling only slightly before her trademark mask returned. "Are you?  
  
Toby raised his eyebrows cynically. "No," he said softly, stepping into the room. "But I don't think we get a choice."  
  
CJ twisted her mouth up as she glanced about the room. Her eyes landed on her favorite piece of furniture. "They won't let me take the couch."  
  
Toby smirked and looked at the soft, tan sofa, wondering how many times CJ had sat on it, cried on it, slept on it. He looked back to CJ. "What about Josh's plan?"  
  
"Apparently, at night, if you hold open the doors for too long, a silent alarm activates," CJ deadpanned.  
  
Toby shook his head. "Buy another couch, CJ."  
  
CJ frowned and suddenly moved, throwing herself down on the plush cushions. "I like this one. I want this one, not a new one, Toby," she whined quietly, leaning her head back.  
  
Toby raised his chin, observing as CJ closed her eyes. She looked exhausted and angry. He pressed his lips together and moved to the couch, sitting down beside her. "It's going to be okay, you know."  
  
CJ turned her head to the side and found herself face to face with Toby. "It doesn't feel that way right now. None of us even have the slightest hint of a plan. What the hell am I going to do tomorrow morning when I get up, Toby?" CJ's voice began to rise. "What the hell am I going to do?"  
  
Toby felt his heart sink to his stomach. He couldn't answer those questions for CJ. He couldn't even answer them for himself. "I'm sure you could find a lucrative position in-"  
  
"Please don't suggest broadcast journalism. Or print journalism. Or public relations of any kind," CJ cut her friend off with a sharp but tired tone. "I don't want to do any of that."  
  
Toby covered CJ's hand with his own. "Then you don't have to," he said soothingly, trying to calm CJ's fired-up emotions. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do."  
  
CJ sighed and sat up a bit, more firmly enclosing Toby's hand in hers. Her eyes were worn when they met his. "It's funny how the only things I can do are things I don't want to do. I wasn't ready for this."  
  
Toby squeezed CJ's fingers. "None of us were."  
  
They were quiet for a moment, their hands joined warmly. The office echoed with silence, and from down the hallway, Donna and Josh could be heard bickering over the location of something that had already been packed. Finally, CJ spoke.  
  
"Is there any way to change this?"  
  
Toby looked over at CJ with incredulity. "His mind was made up yesterday. It's been announced to the press. There's a media feeding frenzy. Hoynes' people have already taken over the building. Do you see any way to change this?"  
  
CJ snorted. "I must be having pipe dreams."  
  
As Josh's frustrated voice rose and traveled angrily along the emptying West Wing hallways, Toby sat back and sighed heavily. "Remember when just being here was a pipe dream?"  
  
CJ nodded, her head feeling heavy on her shoulders. "We did it, though."  
  
"Yes, we did," Toby softly agreed, turning to look at CJ. "We did it together."  
  
CJ felt her eyes moisten. She looked down at her lap, her hand still wrenched inside of Toby's. "I wonder what else we could have done. If we were staying, I mean."  
  
Toby slipped his hand out of CJ's and moved it to her back, pulling her tight into an embrace. "Shh, don't get upset. This was never in our hands. He's got MS, CJ."  
  
CJ sniffled, embarrassed by her tears. She inhaled deeply, comforted by Toby's nearness. "I know," she whispered. "I just wish."  
  
"Me, too," Toby agreed with CJ's unspoken hope. They all wished the same thing. They all wished things could be different. They had all wished for better, and their wish had not been granted. Sometimes, they got the short end of the straw, and now it had happened on the largest of scales.  
  
CJ suddenly picked her head up, her eyes wiped dry. She cleared her throat and stood up, losing contact with Toby. With a big breath, CJ looked around the office. "I have to get this stuff out of here," she said in a choked voice. "We don't have much time left."  
  
Toby swallowed the lump in his throat and got on his feet. "I'll help you. I'll always help you, CJ."  
  
CJ looked up from the box she was taping shut, meeting Toby's dark eyes with own blue pair. She smiled sadly, silently, before hoisting the heavy box up into her arms. Without a word, she headed out of the office and down the hallway, towards doors that would take her away from the West Wing forever.* 


End file.
